girl, put your records on.
Turn in Hot Topic job application... check!


I am still having trouble making my Seventeen Reader Model Contest form absolutely perfect. I need to take two more pictures so I can submit it. I used to want to be a model when I was younger, but then I grew up. Everyone told me I was shooting for something improbable. And about at the same time, self-esteem and identity issues sprang up and it was all for naught. But then I read ParaKiss, and I realized maybe I could do it.

Still, sometimes I feel like I am living a lie. I feel like a fake girl nowdays as much as I felt like a fake boy earlier this year. Even now, I am still not really sure which is the lie - the boy identity or the girl's?

I wish this song (Carpenters - "Close to You") would download. I forgot this song existed until I heard it again at Tyler's house. Tyler's house - holy shit. It's amazing. I'll talk about it later, though. Just know that I had so much playing billards while singing to Paula Cole with Tyler and David. (Sean was busy running over a dog corpse and breaking his radiator even more at the time.)